Possibilities

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One of the neatest things about early pregnancy is that everything about your baby is a virtual unknown. Sure, the baby is either going to be a boy or a girl, but beyond that, the possibilities are endless. Sometimes, I’ll stay up at night wondering if this baby will be blessed with the clear green eyes that my mother, brother and husband have. Not that there’s anything wrong with Parker’s beautiful browns, but growing up, I was so incredibly jealous of the rarer green eyes that were clearly a genetic possibility for me.
I know that the Irishman loves Parker as much as any parent can love a child, but I’m sure he would love the chance to pass on some of his recessive genes (light hair, fair skin, light eyes) to an offspring. Sometimes, I look at Parker and I see myself smirking back at me. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that part of who I am will exist in the world apart and separate from me and that, God willing, he will pass on our stamp on this earth accordingly.
Beyond just looks, I wonder if the new baby will be outgoing like Parker or an introvert like me. Will he or she lean towards artistic tendencies or more towards logic and order? Right from the very beginning, there’s a certain pattern of behavior that is completely unique to your offspring and as a parent, you recognize it right away.
Then, my mind wanders to the practical considerations, which start as musings, but quickly turn into pleadings. Please dear Lord, let this baby be a good sleeper! Obviously, a healthy and robust baby is our number one hope, but a good sleeper is not far behind. Will we have a lovable little fusspot or an easy, breezy baby like Parker was?
I cherish these unknowns because pretty soon, our baby will begin to reveal him or herself and then the baby become less a part of your imagination and become simply who they are. While you thrill at the knowledge of finally getting to meet your little one, there’s a part of you that’s sad to let go of the child who might have been. Once we find out whether we’re having a boy or a girl, a tiny part of me will be sad for either the boy or girl in my imagination who will never be born. Of course, when the baby finally arrives, that’s absolutely the baby that we were meant to have and all insecurities and thoughts of could have been and might have been vanish. But until then, I’ll dream away and wonder…
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