Heading up the River of Denial…Without a Paddle

Last night, as we were settling onto the couch to watch a movie together after Parker was tucked in for the night, I looked at my husband and said, “You realize that we are woefully under-prepared to bring home a baby right now, don’t you?” His eloquent response was, “Yup.”

For some unfathomable reason, we just haven’t gotten around to doing the necessary physical and (emotional) preparations for the baby. There is no hospital bag packed, the car seat and bassinet are still uninstalled and in storage and if this baby shows up before April 5th (when my mother-in-law is getting into town), we really don’t have a defined plan of action with regard to having someone watch Parker if we need to head to the hospital.

Considering that I will be 37 weeks in a matter of days, this is not good! While I was lying awake last night for my usual bout of pregnancy insomnia, I was trying to figure out why someone like me (usually a neurotic, obsessive planning freak of nature) could be cutting it so close for something so important and I came up with a couple of reasons. First off, I still have so much to do before my due date, that it feels much farther away than 3.5 weeks. Secondly, I’m just not nearly as uncomfortable with this baby as I was with Parker at this time. Comparing the two pregnancies, I’m about 20 lbs. lighter right now than I was on my delivery date and it looks like overall, this baby girl is just smaller in size. Compared to the the exploding cantaloupe feeling that I had with Parker, I feel about 7 months pregnant instead of almost full term, so it seems kind of surreal that she could be here at any point from here onwards.

If I’m being honest, I’m probably also kind of sad that our days as a family of three are numbered. While I know that once she’s here, it will feel like she’s always been here, as of right now, I am hoarding each day I get to spend with my boys. I know that things will change forever in just a matter of weeks and I guess I’m just not ready to mentally commit to that switch just yet. So in a weird way, it feels like if I’m not physically ready for her, she’ll take a little longer to get here. I feel so incredibly blessed that we were able to get pregnant easily and successfully, but at the same time, a part of me is feeling loyalty to Parker. I’m not sure if that sounds weird and I’m sure that I’ll feel incredibly silly for voicing that the second that this sweet girl is in our arms, but there it is.

Now, I better get moving because (knowing Murphy’s Law) she’ll be here within the week!


One thought on “Heading up the River of Denial…Without a Paddle

  1. evie March 22, 2011 / 10:09 am

    Be ready and enjoy the wait, good luck

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