I’m a planning kind of person. I like having a weekly plan, monthly plan, yearly plan, decade plan….You get the point. It is borderline obsessive? Um, yeah. But it’s kind of how I remain functional. I feel like if I can anticipate most things, I can stay on top of them. I recognize it for the delusion that it is, but my little lists and post-its and calendars insulate me from the full-blown craziness of life.
Babies, however, have a way of making you take it one day at a time regardless of how much you’d rather think ahead to next week. On any given day, I never know how much sleep I’m going to get at night, what Lexi’s naps are going to be like or if Parker is going to need to stay home from school. To quote Shrek, most days, I feel like “A donkey on the edge!” It’s…an adjustment.
Last year at this time, my focus was on getting three grant proposals out. This year, my biggest concern at the moment is focusing on getting dinner on the table (and to be honest, I don’t even know what I’m making). Sweet little Lexi, who is currently in the apex of a mommy phase, forces me to take things in 15-minute increments. Make no mistake about it, she is a force to be reckoned with. Beneath that sweet, laid-back exterior is a peanut who knows her own mind and sometimes that mind tells her that she must be carried everywhere. Truth be told, I don’t mind it that much.
I’m tired, but happy; behind at work, but feeling fulfilled at home. Having been to this rodeo before, I know that this pocket of time is temporary. So for now, I’m okay living in the schizophrenic world of baby bliss and sleepiness knowing that in the next couple of years, I’ll be back to schedules and lists and functionality.
PS – It took me two hours to write this. Oy.